Here I Am!

I've started blogging again at www.everybears.com. Come by and see what we've been up since last a wrote here (a lot!)

Soft Tofu

A year-long pause, and then a blog continuation at: Soft Tofu. Hope you'll join me there!

Smoke

I've taken 2 drags off a Moroccan hash laden joint. The second pull sends me into a fit of coughing, which passes as I look into the twilight of the African sky, stars twinkling dimly through the airborne dust. They seem to wink at me and mesmerized, I am suddenly overcome by layers upon layers of sound, each infinitesimally smaller and more delicate than the last. I look at the trees and there is energy in the leaves, cobwebs lacing back and forth between the branches, giving them life. I close my eyes and see layers of motion expanding into the black, and each of these layers seems to have a meaning which I cannot quite grasp, but this is okay because this yearning to understand has a beauty all it's own. We turn on some music and I am lost in the melodies, fingers caressing guitar strings, words tasted like fruit and candy on the tongue. And there is such truth and pureness in some of the songs, I am reverent, and I am thinking of you, and wishing for you, and aching for you, and I hear myself whisper, tenderly, my love, tenderly....

Bless You

I only have 3 more days of work left in purgatory.

I sat on public transit this morning, as I have every week for the last 3 years, watching as we passed familiar streets and sights. George Street. The Starbucks. People walking to work. Students on their way to George Brown College. Jarvis Street. The park full of flowers. St. James Church.

As we approached the next stop, the streetcar ground to a halt and the driver called out it's name, "Church Street." As passengers began to make their way down the steps into the muggy air, he added, "for those of you who are getting off here, bless you."

Then I recognized him from this post.

http://complexuniverse.blogspot.com/2007/02/for-whom-bell-tolls.html

And thank you, yes, I will be getting off here. With pleasure.

Trip Update

Well, this trip seems to have taken on a life of it's own. It's all so very exciting!

Now the trip is Barcelona, Venice, Florence, Rome, Naples, Amalfi Coast and Capri, Casablanca, Marrakesh, Fez, Lisbon, Faro, Seville, Malaga and then London.

Any tips from you Europeans on what to see?

Random

I have at least 3 or 4 half-finished posts sitting in my drafts, but somehow, I'm totally unable to complete any of them. Sowweee....

I'm all over the place right now, which you'll no doubtedly confirm upon reading this chaotic post.

I have exactly 10 days of work left in purgatory. It's exactly 17 days until I head home to see the folks. And exactly 32 days until I leave for Europe!! Needless to say, I'm not feeling too grounded...probably trying to plan too many things at once, not living in the moment and on top of that, I can't seem to shake The Damn Cough. Thank you Network Chiropractic. As a result of Clear Day, I am anything but clear, and I mean literally. How is it possible for one small girl, with very small nostrils to produce the massive and continuing volumes of snot that I do? Ugh.

Jet-Setting! Oh Joy!

So, it's done.

Leave of absence from work has been asked for and approved. July 13th is FREEDOM DAY!

July 15th - July 28th: Calgary and Yellowstone National Park with the folks and some relatives
July 29th - September 5th: London, Barcelona, Venice, Florence, Pisa, Rome, Naples, the Amalfi Coast and the Greek Islands
September 9th - September 13th: Enlightened Warrior Training Camp in Ellenville, New York

And this isn't confirmed yet, but I'm just gonna pretend it is.

November: Antalya, Turkey

BRING IT ON!

How I Raise My Vibes

I've been tagged by Debra Schanilec's ReachDabbleShine blog. This is a meme sponsored by OptimistLab. I'm honoured to have been tagged! Here are the rules...more details on OptimistLab's website:

1.Write a new post about your five favorite tricks for “Raising Your Vibes”.
2.Link back to OptimistLab and the person who tagged you at the top of your post.
3.Give your attention to five (or more if you want) deserving bloggers by picking one high-quality post by each blogger.
4.Tag these bloggers by going to high Vibe it, (a news sharing site), and submiting your “Raising Your Vibes” post and the five posts you picked.
5.Tell each blogger you picked that they’ve been tagged either through email or by leaving a comment.

How I Raise My Vibes

1. Laugh - a good, belly laugh...you know, the unadulterated kind, an attack where your stomach hurts, tears are streaming down your face and you can't breathe...pure joy, yeah, you know what I'm talking about (and if you don't, it's time you learned!)
2. Love - nothing lifts my frequency more than being surrounded by the love of friends and family. All I have to do is open the channel, let the waves wash through me and breathe it in. So beautiful.
3. Dance & Sing - grooving around my condo, or at a club, the beats soaking into my body, just moving and feeling the music. Singing my favorite songs at the top of my lungs soothes my soul.
4. Run - being in my body and concentrating solely on the rhythm of my breath helps me stay out of my head, the endorphin rush and the sense of accomplishment at the end of it all definitely raises my vibes.
5. Calm - I have had moments of pure gratitude at the end of Bikram yoga classes. Walking through the beauty and abundance of nature makes me appreciate everything we have in this world. The soothing sound of Julie Dittmar's voice on her hypnotherapy CDs impart such a sense of calm, one can't help but be centred, grounded and lifted by it.

I'm tagging:
Deelirium for her inspiring Mississauga Race Report
Dog is my Co-Pilot for Taking the First Step in Faith
Furtheron for consistently observing his Decisions, in the quest for self-awareness and growth
EMOB for loving love and Feeling Good to Just Know
The Gargantuan Question of Life for noticing those Tranquil Moments

You are all inspiring to me in unique ways.

Leave

This is what my sister had to say when I told her about the leave of absence I'm taking from work:

"You sound very heppy. Office work is a drain on creative resources (creative because you have to think of reasons why you're still there and how to pass five minutes of time without chewing your arm off.)"

Very insightful, wouldn't you say?

Self-Talk

When you stop your self-talk, you create a vacuum. Have intent on what you wish your life to be, and hold the essence of that intent always, but don't obsess mentally about it. Have an intent that will not bend, but don't obese mentally about it. Simply know that what you intend will be so and leave it at that. You can visualize your intent every now and then. In fact, you should visualize your intent once in a while, perhaps twice or thrice a day, for visualization is creative and highly powerful. But that's it; no need to obsess. Create a vacuum. Let nature fill it. Life is a magnificent force. When you stop filling your cup with littleness, it will fill it with greatness. Life cannot show you what it truly is if you keep telling it how it should be. When you drop your self-talk, the most amazing accomplishments begin to happen, because your self-talk, based on littleness, is what replenishes and maintains a world of littleness instead of grandeur.

- David Cameron Gikandi

Platforms

It's 9 in the morning and I'm winding the thin straps of my new platform sandals carefully around my ankles. I secure the buckle, stand up gingerly, and take a few steps around my bedroom to test the fit. They bite a little, leaving the faintest trace of pink on my skin, but I must admit that the shoes are pretty sexy.

I look down at the sleeping Prince. His dark hair is fuzzy and rumpled in clumps all over his head, and the fairies have left a smattering of dust around his eyes. So cute. I clomp over to my closet, hoping the noise will disturb him enough to wake him up. Success! A single eye opens, a sliver of green peeks through, and he mumbles, "give me a kiss goodbye." I saunter over, feeling sultry in my new shoes, and wonder if he's noticed them.

I decide to work it a little to make sure he does, and wiggle my hips, doing my best imitation of a runway model. I sashay towards him, but my platform shoes betray me and I slide across the floor, and slam right into the dark wood of my platform bed. OW! OW! OW! I jump up and down on one high-heeled shoe, and grab my shin painfully. I can already feel a bruise forming. It's an extremely sexy moment for me, made better by the fact that I lose my balance and land squarely on top of him. He's fully awake now (how could he not be?) and smirking. "You're such a dork," he says, and hugs me tightly.

The funny thing is, I'm not embarrassed in the slightest. Just filled with a glowing warmth and appreciation.

Have a beautiful weekend everybody!

The Deep End

You wanna spread your wings but you're not sure
Don't wanna leave your comforts
Wanna find a cure
We're afraid of who we see in the mirror
We wanna let go but it feels too pure
Who wants to be alone in this world
You look around and all you see is hurt
But the light it always guides us
If we move with a little trust
- from Afraid by Nelly Furtado

Two weeks ago, I booked a plane ticket to Calgary. I'm going home to big, blue skies, cool green grass, majestic mountains and the stillness of the prairies. I'm visiting family, detoxifying with a juice fast, and celebrating the publishing of my dad's poetry. I'll return to Toronto on July 28th.

One week ago, I booked a plane ticket to Europe. I'll be leaving the day after I return from Calgary. I'll be soaking up Mediterrean love and sunshine in Barcelona, Rome, Florence, Venice, the Amalfi Coast, Naples and the beautiful Cycladic Islands of Greece. I'll return to Toronto on September 5th.

I haven't spoken to my manager about the leave of absence I'm taking. The leave of absence I'm not coming back from.

I'm trying to move with a little trust.

I bought these tickets as a message of faith to the universe. A message that, yes, I'm serious. I'm moving forward intentionally. I'm leaping without the net, and stepping into the mystery. I am living in the moment, and trusting that the universe will provide exactly what I need at exactly the right time.

I'm hoping the light will find me.

Three days ago, my business partner called. Months ago, we'd quoted on a job with the United Nations in New York. "Guess what?" he says, "It looks like we're getting it. But I can't go. You'll have to handle it on your own." (He'll be in Saudi Arabia producing a documentary for 5 weeks - lucky bastard!)

I'm moving with a little trust.

Faith has been rewarded. I've been handed a golden prize. A gift. I have my fears. What if I screw up? Will I succeed? Can I handle this? And it feels like I've been pushed into the deep end of the pool without a life jacket. But it's okay, because this time I know how to swim.

I'm allowing the light to guide me.