Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Speak Your Truth

Every experience you have is a gift you've given yourself. - Anonymous

I was raised studying a fundamentalist religion. Despite my mother's hopes, it never stuck. I knew at a soul level that it wasn't for me. It simply didn't fit. Still, she tried. And tried. And tried. And I became so sick of having religion force-fed to me, that I turned my back on the Source completely. See! I still don't like to say "God." I prefer to say Universe or The Divine or The Source, though by now, I've learned that God is just another word for the same thing.

The problem, I guess, with turning my back on Spirit, is that essentially, I was turning my back on myself. Because we are all a part of the Divine - it is within each of us. I spent many years running away from this simple truth. I lost myself in self-destructive pursuits - numbing, medicating and fleeing haphazardly from the Spark within. I lived other people's lives, allowed myself to be caught up in endless victim dramas, their patterns stretching out to eternity. I followed someone else's dreams cuz, at the time, it seemed easier than following my own. I sabotaged myself. I prostituted myself. I victimized myself.

All this I did to run as far from myself as possible. I did not believe what my mother did, and because this was my only experience of Spirit, I felt that there was something terribly wrong with me. I locked a piece of myself away. Dis-integrated. Dis-connected. Ashamed. Alone in the dark. So I ran. And ran. And ran. But how do you snuff out that inherent Divine Spark?

It's impossible.

Today, I know that Spirit lives in me...just as it lives in everyone else.
Today, I know that when we act from a place of love, we are connected.
Today, I know that I am on my own journey, and always have been.
Today, I know that I can respect someone else's journey by letting go.
Today, I know that every experience I have was chosen by my soul.
Today, I am learning to release control and have faith.
Today, I go inside.
Today, I am still.
Today, I live in the moment.
Today, I know what gratitude is.

Today, I know there is much more to remember.


Furtheron said...

What a brilliant, poignant, thoughtful, challenging and considered post.

I relate so much to this. My route to my place now was different to yours, I chased religion in my younger years – twice I had a good bash at it. But sorry organised religion with its dogma etc. just didn’t sit well within me. So I spent many destructive years running, as you so rightly put it, from myself.

Today I’m learning to stop, to tolerate, to appreciate, to look inward to myself and to connect through “God” to the world. When I try that I feel more comfortable and at peace with me and others.

Today there are parts of this post which are helping my journey.

Many Thanks.

Sally said...

I don't by any means think that organized religion is just a bunch of bologna, but I do agree that we're all connected by a spirit of humanity if we let ourselves be.

I've been working on a post about religion for a while now, but I can't seem to finish it or get myself to post it.

Jennifer said...

Love your thoughts...especially, "Today, I know that I can respect someone else's journey by letting go."

Need to remember this!

EM said...

Beautifully put. I like the fact that in your words, you express your spirituality, and yet you never relinquish your responsibility. It is YOUR journey, it is up to YOU to open your mind to it. This is the fundamental problem I have with some religions - where it seems to me that what is taught is that you surrender yourself to God, and He will guide you.

"I know that every experience I have was chosen by my soul"...to me denotes that you choose your path and you are powerful - not a helpless creature whose fate is decided by some Divine Power.

lesleyc said...

shellz: I relate to your thoughts on so many levels. I am personally in the process of trying to stop running. I haven't quite gone back inside yet, but your words help me to assess where I am. Thank you.


hattigrace said...

Raised atheist, became born again Christian at 22, traveled around through Assembly of God and non-denominational churches, have been hotly in love with God and hotly angry with Him. Have run from Him and run back to Him. My spiritual journey has been a roller coaster,a turbulent ride.

I could never get how so many different beliefs/dogmas came from the one Book. I started studying history and was led to Catholic Church. There is so much freedom of spiritual expression under the huge umbrella of CC. And the connection with the past through the communion of saints is endearing. The journeys of those before us are appreciated and valued and honored. My Protestant experience left me feeling that there was a lot of ignorance of history that left room for arrogance as they thought they had THE right interpretations. . .

My journey taught me what you said, everyone has a road to travel and the Holy Spirit is leading and guiding and loving people into the place they can recieve the revelation of the Cross, of His love. . . in the right time. I have lost my need to try to push and shove people into church. . . just to BE an honest, open person who loves God and shows it by loving all His children.

Were you asking us to Speak Our Truth? Hope I did not take up too much room.

Buffy said...

Be Still and Know.

I've always loved these words.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I just googled 'speaking your truth' and found your post. The reason I wanted to speak my truth is about this EXACT issue. This afternoon I will speak to my father and tell him my thoughts that the brand of christianity my parents always followed only brought my poverty, physical and emotional abuse and supreme sadness. My parents always told me that God would always come first and he has decreed this. Funnily enough, they have always acted this way and it's fairly damaging for a child to hear this repeatedly throughout their life. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and for giving me courage for this afternoon.