I bumped into someone from my sordid past on Friday night. I was shocked to run into him, but because of the location, not overly surprised either, if that makes sense. I always find it strangely sad that when you revisit your past, you find people you knew and interacted with, in the exact same place as they were, when you moved forward. It's like time froze, and their feet got stuck in the mud, while you were able to yank your feet out and run on. Five years ago, a glance from him was everything - he was a beautiful, wounded man with his whole life in front of him. Now, he looks hard. The years of partying have taken their toll. Now, it's just tragic. What a waste.
Of course, there are those that believe that time is an artificial concept anyways. And that everything actually happens at the same time. Deepak Chopra calls this the "nonlocal domain," the level of consciousness and intelligence. This is the place of universality and pure potential, and operates beyond the reaches of space and time. When you live your life on this level, you can access the magic of coincidence and synchrodestiny.
Oops! Off on a tangent there...sorreee...
It reminded me of all the people I have known in the past, and the strange ways they have of reappearing in your life. A friend of mine just moved into a new place in Little Italy with his girlfriend. A girl from his past - Krista - happens to live 4 doors down. Someone from his old advertising agency in Calgary lives in the neighbourhood too. How does this happen?? Unfinished business perhaps?
I coined this girl, Krista SS because of her affinity for wearing all manner of striped socks. Striped leotards too. In vivid colours of purple, green, red and blue running horizontally all the way up her legs. I'm sure she didn't have a single pair of black socks in her entire closet. Krista Striped Socks was very plain, with lank brown chin length hair and chubby cheeks. She did have a very nice figure though, and had long ago figured out how to use it to her advantage. Krista SS was profoundly insecure and sexually aggressive at the same time. In exactly the kind of way that made the feminist in you want to scream in agony. I didn't like Krista Striped Socks very much. She didn't like me much either. Which is fine I guess, since I'm not the one that keeps running into her...
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Fear - that's why I didn't move on for 25 years. Fear of.... well everything. The unknown, the risk, the change, the having to cope, the having to ask for help etc. So I stayed where I was and stagnated and the fear got worse and worse.
I've moved on now. However I still live in the same house as I have for 14 years, in the same neighbourhood I was born in, I'm still working for the same company I've worked for for 15 years and in the same department (well it's changed about me). Still married to the same lovely lady (21 years this year - what is that? Silver's 25 so not that...)
However I've moved on - a long way. Moving on is in the head isn't it not in the physical. Well it is for me.
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