Thursday, May 24, 2007


When you stop your self-talk, you create a vacuum. Have intent on what you wish your life to be, and hold the essence of that intent always, but don't obsess mentally about it. Have an intent that will not bend, but don't obese mentally about it. Simply know that what you intend will be so and leave it at that. You can visualize your intent every now and then. In fact, you should visualize your intent once in a while, perhaps twice or thrice a day, for visualization is creative and highly powerful. But that's it; no need to obsess. Create a vacuum. Let nature fill it. Life is a magnificent force. When you stop filling your cup with littleness, it will fill it with greatness. Life cannot show you what it truly is if you keep telling it how it should be. When you drop your self-talk, the most amazing accomplishments begin to happen, because your self-talk, based on littleness, is what replenishes and maintains a world of littleness instead of grandeur.

- David Cameron Gikandi

Friday, May 18, 2007


It's 9 in the morning and I'm winding the thin straps of my new platform sandals carefully around my ankles. I secure the buckle, stand up gingerly, and take a few steps around my bedroom to test the fit. They bite a little, leaving the faintest trace of pink on my skin, but I must admit that the shoes are pretty sexy.

I look down at the sleeping Prince. His dark hair is fuzzy and rumpled in clumps all over his head, and the fairies have left a smattering of dust around his eyes. So cute. I clomp over to my closet, hoping the noise will disturb him enough to wake him up. Success! A single eye opens, a sliver of green peeks through, and he mumbles, "give me a kiss goodbye." I saunter over, feeling sultry in my new shoes, and wonder if he's noticed them.

I decide to work it a little to make sure he does, and wiggle my hips, doing my best imitation of a runway model. I sashay towards him, but my platform shoes betray me and I slide across the floor, and slam right into the dark wood of my platform bed. OW! OW! OW! I jump up and down on one high-heeled shoe, and grab my shin painfully. I can already feel a bruise forming. It's an extremely sexy moment for me, made better by the fact that I lose my balance and land squarely on top of him. He's fully awake now (how could he not be?) and smirking. "You're such a dork," he says, and hugs me tightly.

The funny thing is, I'm not embarrassed in the slightest. Just filled with a glowing warmth and appreciation.

Have a beautiful weekend everybody!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Deep End

You wanna spread your wings but you're not sure
Don't wanna leave your comforts
Wanna find a cure
We're afraid of who we see in the mirror
We wanna let go but it feels too pure
Who wants to be alone in this world
You look around and all you see is hurt
But the light it always guides us
If we move with a little trust

- from Afraid by Nelly Furtado

Two weeks ago, I booked a plane ticket to Calgary. I'm going home to big, blue skies, cool green grass, majestic mountains and the stillness of the prairies. I'm visiting family, detoxifying with a juice fast, and celebrating the publishing of my dad's poetry. I'll return to Toronto on July 28th.

One week ago, I booked a plane ticket to Europe. I'll be leaving the day after I return from Calgary. I'll be soaking up Mediterrean love and sunshine in Barcelona, Rome, Florence, Venice, the Amalfi Coast, Naples and the beautiful Cycladic Islands of Greece. I'll return to Toronto on September 5th.

I haven't spoken to my manager about the leave of absence I'm taking. The leave of absence I'm not coming back from.

I'm trying to move with a little trust.

I bought these tickets as a message of faith to the universe. A message that, yes, I'm serious. I'm moving forward intentionally. I'm leaping without the net, and stepping into the mystery. I am living in the moment, and trusting that the universe will provide exactly what I need at exactly the right time.

I'm hoping the light will find me.

Three days ago, my business partner called. Months ago, we'd quoted on a job with the United Nations in New York. "Guess what?" he says, "It looks like we're getting it. But I can't go. You'll have to handle it on your own." (He'll be in Saudi Arabia producing a documentary for 5 weeks - lucky bastard!)

I'm moving with a little trust.

Faith has been rewarded. I've been handed a golden prize. A gift. I have my fears. What if I screw up? Will I succeed? Can I handle this? And it feels like I've been pushed into the deep end of the pool without a life jacket. But it's okay, because this time I know how to swim.

I'm allowing the light to guide me.

Monday, May 14, 2007

What Love Means

Well, I seemed to be surrounded by messages of love today, so I thought I'd share them.

"You simply can't make someone love you if they don't. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the sort of love you must want." - Israel Horovitz, playwright

This was on my Starbucks cup this morning, and I thought, very true. There are so many people out there that settle for less, because deep in their hearts, they believe that a halfway sort of love is all they deserve. But love isn't halfway. It doesn't ask you to be anything other that what you are. It makes you feel beautiful, and cherished, and like you can conquer any challenge that is placed in front of you. And it makes it okay when you don't. It doesn't ask you to hide, or be ashamed or less than everything you have the potential to be, no matter how unconventional the journey, or whether they agree.

This was emailed to me minutes later...perhaps you've already seen it?

They're touching words from the mouth of babes . . . A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image) Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

I've been thinking about love lately and what it really means to will love come through me...and this last quote pretty much summed it up. To me, love is about acceptance. To allow someone to just be. Wherever that is. Without judgement. To give them the space they need to process and figure things out in their own way. In their own time. To not ask them to be in a different place, because wherever they are in their journey is exactly the right place. For them.

The funny thing is that when I decided that this was the expression of love I wanted to manifest in the world, life became so peaceful and simple. I stopped wasting energy trying to change people, or push them into what I thought was better or right for them. That struggle and conflict disappeared. I learned to appreciate the beautiful imperfection of all the people in my life, and was given the gift of true connection in return.

Monday, May 07, 2007

A to Z

This is a meme that I saw on Girl and a Dog's blog, and I quite liked it, so I'm stealing it.

A- Attached or Single? Attached, but still coming to terms with letting go of my full out independence.
B- Best Friend: ME! (no one treats me better) and Munchie (my soul sister on earth), but so many other people that give me so many different things.
C- Cake or Pie: Oh yeah, pie any day. I think it's probably the fluffy pastry shell.
D- Drink of Choice: Espresso, any which way...usually 3 shots in an Americano with 18% cream and lots o'sugar.
E- Essential Item: Love
F- Favorite Color: Silver
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Ewwww
H- Hometown: Hmmm....born in Seoul, South Korea, lived in Calgary for most of my life, but consider the T-Dot home.
I- Indulgence: Facials and pedicures
J- January or February: February - a nice short month, and closer to spring!
K- Kids: Well....I always said never, but if I meet the man of my dreams and it's a dealbreaker, I might consider having 1.
L- Life is incomplete without: love, friendship, family, gratitude, adventure, music, dancing and joy.
M- Marriage Date: only the universe knows....
N- Number of Siblings: 2
O- Oranges or Apples? oranges
P- Phobias/Fears: heights, not reaching my full potential
Q- Favorite Quote: "A butterfly stirring the air today in Peking can transform storm systems next month in New York." - James Glick
R- Reasons to smile: beauty, love, life, blue skies and sunshine
S- Season: Spring
T- Tag Three: well, whoever wants to do it, since I wasn't actually tagged, and just stole it...muwahahahahaa.....
U- Unknown Fact About Me: In the last month, 5 of my toenails have randomly fallen's quite hideous, and sandle season is upon us. Fortunately, I don't care...and am flaunting my ugly toes with reckless abandon!
V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Oppressor of Animals I guess....sigh
W- Worst Habit: Crackbook, and taking 3 hours to drink a cup of coffee (and warming it up in the microwave 3 times in the process)
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? Network chiropractic, or any other energy work
Y- Your Favorite Foods: sushi, french fries, coffee (is that food?)
Z- Zodiac: Pisces Sun, with Gemini Rising and Taurus Moon