Saturday, August 19, 2006


Grandmother, I have not seen you for many years. But still I remember your face. I remember you chasing me around our trampoline, in the backyard of the house I lived in in 9th grade. You were scolding me. I was running, scared of you, but laughing and rebellious too.

I see your strength and stubborness in my mother. I feel it in me. A legacy passed through generations, as real as the breaths I still take.

My mother tells me you passed on as purely and cleanly as you lived. No loose ends. 97 years.

It has been 20 years since I saw you last. My connection with you is faint, a memory deep in my belly. But now I am crying. Why? I feel my grief for you through the grief of my mother, as she feels it for you. Resonance. Vibration. Cycles.


I love you Mom.


EM said...

I'm very sorry for your loss Shellz. Again, what you've written resonates within me. Are we living parallel lives? When I lost my grandma, the most powerful realization that came when watching my mom cry for her was that time is not infinite. Not for my mother and I anyways. And with that realization, I truly began to treasure every minute I have with her - and the exasperating, annoying "mothering" actions that used to cause me to chafe at the bit have lost their edge.

Jase said...

My condolences to you and your family Shellz! I also remember both of my grandmas! They are really great ...and they also lived long and productive lives. I am just wondering how we'd do in our lives. It is a special gift to have memories of them.


Shellz said...

Em: Parallel live...I like that. It feels that way sometimes, doesn't it? Well, I truly believe that everyone comes into your life for a reason - even the ones that you meet in cyberspace! I'm not quite sure how to write about it, but when my grandmother passed on, it was like I cleared a particular pattern of behaviour out of my life - that carried through generations, and in the rest of my life. It was very interesting, to say the least...

Jase: Thanks! I am amazed that my grandmother lived for so long. 97 years is almost unfathomable. And Namaste to you too...