Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Time

Wow! I can't believe a whole year has gone by since I started this blog.

It feels so much shorter than that, but when I think about how much has changed for me in that time, it makes much more sense. And really, do we measure time by the clock and calendar, or do we measure it by the events and emotions in our lives.

When I started this blog, I was in a pretty dark place. Closed, negative and blinded to all the beauty that's out in the world. I look back, and I can't believe that person was me. I can't believe that I subjected myself to that. Did I really hate myself so much? I have since learned to integrate the dark and light aspects of myself, and to accept them both equally with gratitude.

They say that hindsight is 20/20, and the longer I live, the more I believe this to be true. Looking back, I know this journey started the day I was born, and that there was a reason behind every event. Even the bad ones. At times, it was tough...more than tough. In those moments, I thought that nothing would ever change - that I would be locked in hopelessness, despair and apathy for all eternity. But now I know that those very things made me who I am today, and I could not want for anything more or less.

I am still evolving and changing and growing - this is a process that never ends, but for the first time, I can truly say that I am looking forward to what life will bring with optimism, hope, joy and excitement. And I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world.

4 comments:

hattigrace said...

Actually, your life began when you were concieved. You were formed in your mother's womb. What was her condition? Was she happy she was pregnant? Did she have a gender preference? Was she stressed or joyful? Was she strong physically? All these factors form us. Then, we pop out and are who we are as a result of the DNA and the atmosphere of the womb. Usually, we have a lot to overcome. Therein are our paranoias and preferences. I think you are marvy!

jase said...

i believe that life should not be measured by the hours of the day but by the moments and time that we evolve into what we are today. that's when we become timeless and ageless, fully reconciled into our own humanity.

EM said...

Shellz - it's so good to come back and catch up on your ponderings, insights and such. Your writing is reflective of you I'm sure - beautiful, inspiring, honest. Thank you for sharing "you". The world is a better place for it. And happy bloggiversary!

Frank said...

Hey Shellz.
Judging by the above comments, I can see that your blog is very well liked by your fellow bloggers. Good for you. I noticed that you put up a link to my blog, so I will return the favor. I'm glad to see that you are feeling optimistic about things in a somewhat pessimistic world.
I was reading your profile, and I think that all your favorite movies are terrific, except the ones I haven't seen (Baraka, I Heart Huckabees). Maybe I'll read some of your earlier stuff to find out more about your 'philosophy of life'. Did you know that I'm going to be visiting Toronto the week before Labor Day? I hope that you keep up with Delia, Paul, and my mom & dad. See you soon...