Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Fixing Her Hair

An old favorite...and sadly, still relevant today. Sometimes, I look around and feel hopeless about the state of romantic relationships. There are so few that are truly healthy, strong, respectful and loving. Most are just replays of tired old patterns of behaviour - full of distrust, insecurity and stasis. Most don't allow emotional or spiritual growth. It seems like the real growth only happens at the end of relationships, through sadness, tragedy and turmoil. Is it that we have to feel pain to heal and evolve? Or is it possible to grow through a process of joy?

Fixing Her Hair - Ani DiFranco

she's looking in the mirror
she's fixing her hair
and I touch my head to feel
what isn't there
she's humming a melody
we learned in grade school
she's so happy
and I think
this is not cool
'cause I know the guy
she's been talking about
I have met him before
and I think
what is this beautiful beautiful woman
settling for?

she bends her breath
when she talks to him
I can see her features begin to blur
as she pours herself
into the mold he made for her
and for everything he does
she has a way to rationalize
she says he don't mean what he do
she tells me he called
to apologize

he says he loves her
he says he's changing
and he can keep her warm
and so she sits there like america
suffering through slow reform
but she'll never get back the time
and the years sneak by
one by one
she is still playing the martyr
I am still praying for revolution

and she still doesn't have what she deserves
but she wakes up smiling every day
she never really expected more
that's just not the way we are raised
and I say to her,
you know,
there's plenty of really great men out there
but she doesn't hear me
she's looking in the mirror
she's fixing her hair


spoonman said...

I look at all my married friends, now having babies, and I laugh and am glad that I am currently single....of course, that doesn't mean I'm not always lookin', but you gotta love the situation you are in.

David said...

I think, if we had a choice, we would all choose to grow through joy. I mean, nobody want sadness or pain but when we're in a relationship, it does make us wonder if it's the drama that helps make it succeed. But like Mary J. once sang, "No more drama..." Life's too short to be riding an emotional rollercoaster like that. And though it's easier said than done, I think you should strive to be with somebody who values the joys of life just as much as you do...

jane said...

i think it is possible to grow through a process of joy but sometimes we need to feel some pain in order to grow stonger and better :) i hope you had a great weekend Shellz. regards.

jase said...

it's painful when you see this happens to your love ones like a sister or a close friend... but then there is only so much we could do to help them. sometimes they choose this sad state of affairs, and there's nothing we can do to help them.

Furtheron said...

Funny you say "romantic relationships" - so my immediate thought is of young people in a new relationship. Why do I think that? Why only associate romantic in that way? Romance = passion? Hmm don't know.

I celebrated my 21st anniversary last week - so is not my relationship with my wife romantic? Yes it is but it is somewhat intrenched in old behaviour and patterns etc. However every now and then we have great moments together - often when you least expect it.