Wednesday, March 07, 2007

In Transit

I've been spending far too much cash on cab fares lately. I'm not complaining or anything - far from it! : ) - but leaving the cocoon of warmth created by the embrace of the human furnace lying next to you is beyond torturous. Especially since Toronto is in the midst of a terrible cold snap, the kind that, as my friend Charwina so delicately put it today at lunch, "feels like 2 dogs are biting on your face at the same time."

Today, for the first time in about a week, I stood and waited for public transit. And even though I was late yet again, I had decided it was time for me to nip my growing addiction to the comfort and convenience of taking a taxi to work in the bud. Well....at least I thought I had decided.

But here's the interesting part. As I stood waiting impatiently in the freezing cold, I started to monitor my thoughts. And discovered that I hadn't really decided at all. My brain was whipping back and forth, spinning to and fro - doing anything, it seems, but actually making a decision.

My thoughts went something like this:
Is the damn streetcar coming? It's freezing cold. I'm gonna be late for work. Maybe I should just take a cab? Oh, there's one. Should I hail it? No, I've spent too much money on cabs. The streetcar's coming right now. I know it is. But what if it doesn't. Then I'll really be late. Ok, I'll hail the next cab that comes along. No, I shouldn't. Oh, just missed one. That's okay. Cuz the streetcar is coming right now. Well, I hope it is. It's really cold. Maybe I should catch a cab. No, I can't. I'll just be late.....and so on and so forth.

Honestly, the streetcar didn't appear until I realized how chaotic my thoughts were. It was only when I was able to shut down the back and forth in my brain, and focus on ONE outcome, that my desired result manifested. It made me appreciate how challenging it is to really and truly create change in your own life. If being clear about my mode of transit is trying, how am I to be clear about the big things. The things that matter....

2 comments:

Further on up the road said...

Hi ya. I call it having my washing machine head on. I'm driving home on the motorway - big signs, "Delays on M20". So it starts - is that up to date, how bad are the delays, darn these road works at the M25/A2 junction (the alternative route), everyone will go that eay now so it'll be packed. Maybe it isn't so bad down the M20 and I'll be ok.

Damn signs - if they weren't there I'd get stuck in the traffic jam and accept it as I was ignorant to the fact it existed until I got there. Too much info or options can do you in at times.

Some big things I'm really clear on. Some though I do avoid because that machine will start up and start whizzing around thought after thought after thought....

girl and dog said...

You hit in dead on, Shellz. We'll never get anywhere until we figure out what we want. I think that's the hardest part, getting clear on what you want. But it sounded to me as though you were on the right path! Keep at it, meditate on it...