The Invitation

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

This is what she says about the poem: "I wrote what I need to remember, what I need to hear again and again: that life is full of beauty and pain; that the world will break your heart and heal it, over and over, if you let it, and that letting it do both is the only way to live fully; that we are not alone but deeply connected to that which create, and sustains all life."

And that is the struggle, isn't it? Having the faith to let it.

Gasolina

My memories of Miami will always be tinged with the feeling of freedom that comes with riding on the back of a motorcyle. I'd hop onto Josep's Harley clad in only a tank top, jeans and sunglasses, and we'd take off for Key Biscayne or the beaches of Fort Lauderdale. Dangerous, yes, but nothing can compare to the feel of the Florida sun beating down on your bare arms and shoulders, the smell of the sea in your nose, and the wind whipping through your hair, as you roar past beautiful, blue vistas. Besides, when in Rome...

The first time out, we nearly ran out of "gasolina." Charming, even though it was accompanied by plenty of swearing and hitting of the Harley's gas tank. It's amazing how much a Spanish accent helps such situations.

"What will we do?" I asked, as the motorbike started to sputter.

"We will have to park the bike, find the gasolina, and take the bus."

In this moment, I decided that I would manifest a gas station. Partially, because I did not want to park, walk and take a bus. Partially, because I was having too much fun on the back of this bike. But also, because I had been doing so much work and reading on the Law of Attraction and quantum physics that I wished to try out my powers of reality creation. It was a grand experiment.

Quantum physics says that the universe is an energy soup, with all probabilities in it, happening at the same time. Time and space are illusions. We create our realities by tuning into the chosen frequency, and with the power of our belief, certainty and observation. Theoretically, I reasoned, this is possible.

I closed my eyes, got into a space of certainly, then said to him, "Don't worry. There's a gas station right around the corner."

"Ahhh, have you been here before?" he asked, relieved. This was, after all, our first date.

I hadn't.

I'm not really someone who consciously prays, but somehow, someway, I must have been, for when we rounded the corner, Josep exclaimed with wonder, "Look, there it is!"

I couldn't believe my eyes. Was this a bizarre coincidence or did I actually manifest reality?

Honestly. It doesn't really matter. All I know, is that in that moment, I felt magical. I started to believe in myself as the creator of my life, circumstances and reality. And as I continue my exploration, it becomes increasingly obvious that this is how it's always been. I just wasn't conscious of it until Now.

Here, Now

"I saw the accident on the news this morning. I can't believe it was his wife and kids. He was just telling me how important his family was last week..."

Her face is stricken. Pale.

A freak accident. One car flipped onto another. His wife killed. One daughter in a coma. The other daughter physically okay, but a witness to it all. What damage done?

I give her a hug. She's shaking.

For me, it's another reminder to live in the only moment there is. Which is Here, Now. Life can change in an instant.

My mother lives her life in anticipation of a future that may never come. Sure, there are daily events and happenings that consume her time now, but by and large, her energy is focused on a day sometime out there.

My father, on the other hand, lives his life mostly in memory of a past that cannot be changed. There is also a healthy dose of fear of the future...of what might happen (which is nonetheless rooted in events of the past). Of course, what could happen, is always negative, dangerous or scary.

I don't begrudge either of them their choices. It's their life to live. Everyone is on their own path anyways.

Accept what is.

The problem (entirely of my own making), until Now, is that I have been living my life in fear of what they will think. How can this be? I am 33 years old. An adult. Intelligent. Strong. And totally capable of making my own decisions. I have silenced my own desires. I don't want them to be hurt. I don't want them to worry. I feel like I owe them something. Whatever the reasons, I too, have been living my life everywhere, but Here, Now. I have been living my life for everyone but me. And that sacrifice is too big.

David Cameron says that: Time only exists in your mind. Your mind often wants to live in anticipation of the future or in memory of the past. This is what also creates psychological time to a large extent...you experience this type of time when your mind is in anticipation of something in the 'future' or in memory of the 'past.' This 'waiting' and 'remembering' creates time, and a lot of pain and stress. It is unnecessary. The most fruitful thing to do is not to remember or wait, it is to observe, experience and create Now. Observing, experiencing and creating Now is timeless and true of the true nature of the universe.

I am no longer able to live in someone else's construct of the future or the past. I can only observe, experience and create my own Now. Everyone is living their own reality anyways. And so, I choose Here, Now to experience joy.

Peace

This was taken the day before I left South Beach. In this picture, I am completely at peace. Some of this was from basking in the sun and swimming in the ocean for 2 weeks. Some was from meeting and connecting with people from all over the world. Mostly though, the peace came from integrating a bunch of thoughts and ideas that have been ricocheting noisily around my head for the last 6 months. They finally found anchor and settled. The experiences I had in Miami and the people I met crystalized the path of my life. It was a beautiful moment of clarity.

I don't believe that life is random. I think it's a magical, wondrous, divine adventure. There's an intelligence about it all. When you remember how to remove yourself from your attachments, take a step outside yourself, and observe, you can see the patterns of your life. You can surrender to the present moment, because NOW is all there is, and pull all the richness you need out of it. You see how one thing leads to another, how one behaviour leads to another, in essence, how you have created your life. If you accept that you alone have created the conditions of your life - all of them, good or bad - you can shift possibility. If you trust yourself, go inside, listen to your intuition and step courageously into the mystery of it all, everything falls into place and there is no room for fear. Powerlessness morphs into directed consciousness and intention (2 sides of the same coin), and opportunities for profound transformation are readily available.

Live in the moment. Live in gratitude. Look for the gift. Accept what is.

I'm back!

Well, I'm back from beautiful Miami. We were having such an amazing time that we just had to extend our trip! We got back last night at 4AM after hours of flight delays through Fort Lauderdale and Georgia.

The trip was an adventure from the moment we set down, and I'm still processing the experience. It was definitely transformational. I was touched, moved, and changed somehow, and only now beginning to understand how.

I met so many people that helped me see things from a richer perspective. Nikolas the Columbian Skater, Juice the Jailbird :), Good Karma Rob from Kelowna, Frederick from France, Nicaraguan Fireman Patrick, Dave from England, Mike the Bounty Hunter, but especially sweet Josep from Catalonia. Quite unexpectedly, I miss you. More than I thought I would. You were the means towards a huge internal shift. Thank you for that.

I'll write more later, but right now, I am so tired, I can barely put sentences together.

On Vacation

I'm on vacation in beautiful, sunny Miami for 10 days. I'll think about the blog while I'm taking a dip in the ocean, or swimming with the dolphins, or hitting the nightclubs.

Yeah, probably not.

Have a great 10 days everybody!!! and see you when I get back!

Art

"Sometimes I think people just do weird things, call it art, and then expect us to think it's art. When really it's just some stupid thing they did in their spare time. It doesn't actually mean anything."

We hear this conversation behind us. A French Canadian accent and the sound of footsteps. We are at Nuit Blanche, which has been marketed as "a free, all-night contemporary art thing."

The website describes the event like this:

The literal English translation of Nuit Blanche is "White Night," a term used to describe a natural phenomenon that occurs at high latitudes where the dusk meets the dawn. It refers to a night without darkness; a night for new discoveries; a sleepless night.

From sunset at 7:01 pm on September 30 to sunrise at 7:15 am on October 1, 2006, Toronto will be buzzing with activity as we break down the barriers between art and public space. For one sleepless night the familiar will be discarded and Toronto will become an artistic playground for a series of exhilarating contemporary art experiences.

In theory, it's a fabulous idea, and on our first drive-by, we are exhilarated, immediately tuned into the pulse of energy on the street. Queen West is literally packed with people. White neon structures illuminate the crisp darkness of the night sky and The Drake is a buzzing mass of brainy techno and flashing lights.

There is a brick wall with pairs of white sneakers nailed two by two in neat rows along it. A car wash has been co-opted and turned into a mini movie theatre, pictures are projected onto the back wall, and folding chairs are set inside. In Trinity Bellwoods park, usually filled with the homeless, albino squirrels, and old men playing chess, a large tent has been erected. We walk though the sounds of water, under a canopy of white lights and into a makeshift outdoor lounge.

"Forget the canopy," Marv urges, on the other end of my cellphone, "it's a waste of time, come to the pool."

The pool is steamy, muggy and dark, filled with swimmers bobbing eerily under dull coloured lights. A DJ adds spacey, ambient textures to the room, and spectators sit in the bleachers of the humid room watching them. It's all just a little weird and a little pointless. It is, after all, "a free all-night contemporary art thing."

It's 4AM, so we hike back to the car and head for home. But I feel strangely flat. I feel the same as the French-Canadian pedestrian behind me. To me, this is not art. This is just a bunch of stuff...an intellectual exercise about deconstruction and public spaces. The problem is that I don't feel anything. Not irritation, not disgust, not sadness. This is all in my head. My heart and gut are untouched. And isn't the best art visceral, emotional and human?

The Magic Shop

On Saturday evening, we wandered into a Magic Shop. While I'm sure that May and Sarah would wholeheartedly disagree, I'm convinced that it miraculously appeared through a blip in the space-time continuum, beautifully manifested directly onto our path back to the car.

Inside were 2 Nepalese wizards, selling wisdom, laughter and peace, along with dense, coloured rice paper "that you can iron," crystals, didgeridoos and clothing. We spent about half an hour in the Magic Shop talking with them, and playing their selection of Tibetan Singing bowls. I ended up buying one of these therapeutic instruments. When I tap it lightly, it hums with a beautiful low sound and when I circle it's edge with the striker, the sound ebbs and flows in waves. These bowls have been used for centuries to relax the mind, signal the beginning of meditations and clear out blocked chakras. Modern science has discovered what the Buddhist monks already knew. A singing bowl actually reverberates with anywhere from 5 - 7 different tones at any given time. These oscillations in sound help to slow the brainwaves into their most meditative - the delta and theta states.

Quantum physics now tells us that everything is energy. The clouds, the sky, my couch, my computer, my thoughts, my mind, my heart. Everything just vibrates at different frequencies. Sound and music is vibration and frequency too. And I can't help but feel healed everytime I play the bowl. It's as though my own vibrational frequency entrains itself to it's peaceful energy and sound, the way all the guitar strings in a room will start vibrating when just one is plucked.

"If you play the bowl every morning and every night, your house will change, YOU will feel different. All negative energies will leave your house. They cannot be in the same space as this sound. It hurts them." he tells me, with joy on his face.

I believe him. So I play.

The Velvet Rope

Toronto has been mental for the last couple of weeks. Labour Day hits, the kids go back to school, and it seems like everyone takes it up a notch. A sense of urgency has materialized and crushed the lazy days of summer in a matter of weeks. The Toronto International Film Festival has only added to the mania. Movie premieres, red carpets and crazed fans stalking celebrity gods like Brad Pitt, have taken over the city.

In Yorkville, land of flagship designer clothing stores (Prada, Gucci, Chanel), and poshy posh restaurants, young women dress like middle aged women - makeup covering luscious faces, masking their insecurity. Women just slightly past their due date, walk the streets with animal skin purses, stiletto heels and a look of desperation. Will they meet a producer? A director? or an actor? Is tonight the night they'll finally be discovered? Metrosexual men drive by in Porsche 911s and Bentleys, surveying the scene, slicked back hair and perfect 5:00 shadows. Do I look like a producer? A director? An actor? Is tonight the night I'll get lucky?

My friends and I walk up to the restaurant, and lo and behold there is a line of 20 people. This never happens. Not here. We stand with dismay on the sidewalk, considering our options. We are all starving. But blessings abound.

"How many of you are there?" the waiter asks us on the sidewalk.

"5!" we chorus, stars in our eyes.

"Ok," he says, under his breath, "stay here, I'll take care of you."

Rejoice! We are seated almost immediately.

But alas, we were not at an impossible-to-get-reservations-at restaurant.
And no, we were not at the hottest new club in town either.
There were no celebrities hanging out in the VIP room out back.



We were at a sushi restaurant.

Fake Beans

She walks with me on my way to the food court in the hospital behind my office building. She has grey hair cropped short on her head, and a strange look in her eye. I don't know her, but I see she has a government ID just like me, so I match my step to hers.

I ask her, "Are you going for coffee?"

"I'm going to Tim Horton's, because I only support Canadian companies," she says emphatically.

I pause, "I thought Tim Horton's was purchased by Wendy's. Aren't they American now?"

She stops, momentarily thrown. She looks so confused, I say, "maybe I'm wrong. I'm headed to Starbucks myself."

Relief washes over her. "Oh, you shouldn't go to Starbucks. They use fake coffee beans!"

I try not to laugh. "Oh really...well, see you later."

Fake coffee beans?! What could they possibly be using? Raisins? Chocolates? Plastic? People are really too much sometimes!

Lanterns

Labour Day was quite possibly one of the longest days of my life. My friend Emily and I started the day off at the Canadian National Exhibition (CNE), and finished off at the Chinese Lantern Festival. I must have walked thousands of steps that day. At some point during the day, we paused for a much needed rest. The problem was when I stood up. My feet felt like they were on fire!! We survived though...in no small part due to the double order of fries, Philly Cheesesteak, and funnel cake we consumed, I'm sure!

We headed over to the Lantern Festival at Ontario Place as soon as it got dark, and it was well worth it. These lanterns were spectacular. The 30 lanterns were created by over 80 Chinese master craftsmen, who have been here in Toronto for most of the year working. Some of them were 50 feet tall, and 300 feet long. Sometimes I'm really proud to be Asian, and this was definitely one of those times.

Here's some pics...but of course, they don't do the lanterns any justice at all.

Prayer

From A Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Cameron (which is blowing my mind):

What does it mean to pray ceaselessly? Consider this: It has been said that even before you ask, it is given unto you. It has also been said that ask and it shall be given unto you. Do you catch that? Asking is not begging, you do not beg The Source, for it is already given to you even before you ask. Begging and wanting simply gives a lack of that which you beg and want. This is not just a spiritual idea; it is also provable using quantum physics. The quantum 'soup' literally contains all possibilities of everything, Now, Here. In other words, that spiritual promise is also a scientific fact. Let us move on. It is also said that you can do anything if you believe. It has also been said that whatever you put your attention and intention on takes form. That is how you create things out of the quantum 'soup' of pure energy - by attention, intention, and belief.

Many masters, teachers, and sages from all cultures and times have told us to not worry, to practice detachment, to trust in the mysterious workings of the universe - not only because the universe works with supreme intelligence, but also because you may not be aware of what your soul or higher self is choosing. Here then, is what it means to pray ceaselessly: You have a desire; you will it to come into being, to manifest. You intend it wholeheartedly, clearly, focused, and with certainty. You pass this intent on to The Source, in whichever way you know how. Simple intention is enough, although meditation, stillness, are more effective when you have time to do so.

So, you pass on your intent, and you become detached from it. In other words, you watch it from behind the scenes, without a desire that it happens in any particular way or 'time' or sequence. And because you know this works, because of your certainty and consistency, detachment and gratitude, it will take form in the most unexpected and miraculous of ways. That is prayer.

Praying without ceasing is going through the whole day, everyday, with such focused intention for all your life's desires, with certainty, detachment and gratitude. This is not something you do once at a special time during the day and act totally different and confused the rest of the day. It is something that becomes a lifestyle. That is praying ceaselessly. Prayer is meant to be active, ever-present and part of normal wakefulness. It is co-creative with The Source; it wills to action, it is self-assertive...

There is no criterion by which The Source decides to grant or not to grant prayers. The laws of the universe apply to all equally and unfailingly. Prayer is an inward energetic process, a call you give out with a detached expectation of an answer, without a shred of doubt. It is strong and certain will. When you realize that even the request is not necessary, that you are one with All That Is including whatever it is that you wish to have and the granter of that wish, and the conveyer of the wish, you will truly be praying and receiving without fail. For your prayers will be of pure gratitude for what already is given unto you even before you ask. The request is not necessary. Just be grateful and smile!