Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

This idiom is used to express the idea that empty or unfilled spaces are unnatural as they go against the laws of nature and physics.

"I've had nothing but time on my hands. I watched three hours of Ultimate Fighting Champion last night. Tonight, I went shopping at Eaton Centre to find a pair of boots. Then I signed up for Lavalife and browsed around. I gotta find me a new past time. I'm bored," she told me over email. I could relate. Now that dragonboating was over, the time that used to be in such short supply was suddenly available in vast quantities. And understandably. We were used to training three days a week, and committing entire weekends to regattas. Beyond that, this team of twenty paddlers had become my close friends. Not only did we work out together, but I could depend on them for my social network. It was easy. Dragonboating was a complete physical and social activity in and of itself.

It was strange, because not two months earlier, we'd been complaining about paddling, our motivation levels at zero. We couldn't wait for the season to be over. We'd been through this before. The neverending pace of practices and regattas, and the ensuing feeling of emptiness when the nine month season was over. It was a cycle with which we were intimately familiar. We were used to it. But this time was different. This time, we'd both decided to quit completely. There was no season to look forward to and no practices to plan for.

We'd both made the decision to quit for the "right" reasons. She'd been paddling for almost ten years and needed to take a break. Me...well, I'd been paddling for four. I'd started because I needed to escape another life. A life that almost consumed me. One that was very dark, and one that I almost didn't return from. And it had worked. In some ways, paddling had saved me. It consumed me in the same way.

But now...well now, I am too comfortable. For me, the decision to quit is the right one. I suppose it's something in me...this need to be ever challenged, ever changing, ever uncomfortable. And I can feel it...a great, wide opening, a vast space waiting to be filled, and it's exciting, this feeling of anticipation. Still, I can't deny the fear that comes with changing the rhythm of your life. I can only have faith that creating this vacuum in my life will bring something even better!

2 comments:

Mel said...

Making room for what may come. Love. Sacred Contract. Another sport. Lots of television. Movies with me.

Steve - just Steve said...

Play hockey with me!

I wonder if we're all feelin the same?