What Love Means

Well, I seemed to be surrounded by messages of love today, so I thought I'd share them.

"You simply can't make someone love you if they don't. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the sort of love you must want." - Israel Horovitz, playwright

This was on my Starbucks cup this morning, and I thought, very true. There are so many people out there that settle for less, because deep in their hearts, they believe that a halfway sort of love is all they deserve. But love isn't halfway. It doesn't ask you to be anything other that what you are. It makes you feel beautiful, and cherished, and like you can conquer any challenge that is placed in front of you. And it makes it okay when you don't. It doesn't ask you to hide, or be ashamed or less than everything you have the potential to be, no matter how unconventional the journey, or whether they agree.

This was emailed to me minutes later...perhaps you've already seen it?

They're touching words from the mouth of babes . . . A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image) Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"

I've been thinking about love lately and what it really means to me...how will love come through me...and this last quote pretty much summed it up. To me, love is about acceptance. To allow someone to just be. Wherever that is. Without judgement. To give them the space they need to process and figure things out in their own way. In their own time. To not ask them to be in a different place, because wherever they are in their journey is exactly the right place. For them.

The funny thing is that when I decided that this was the expression of love I wanted to manifest in the world, life became so peaceful and simple. I stopped wasting energy trying to change people, or push them into what I thought was better or right for them. That struggle and conflict disappeared. I learned to appreciate the beautiful imperfection of all the people in my life, and was given the gift of true connection in return.

A to Z

This is a meme that I saw on Girl and a Dog's blog, and I quite liked it, so I'm stealing it.

A- Attached or Single? Attached, but still coming to terms with letting go of my full out independence.
B- Best Friend: ME! (no one treats me better) and Munchie (my soul sister on earth), but so many other people that give me so many different things.
C- Cake or Pie: Oh yeah, pie any day. I think it's probably the fluffy pastry shell.
D- Drink of Choice: Espresso, any which way...usually 3 shots in an Americano with 18% cream and lots o'sugar.
E- Essential Item: Love
F- Favorite Color: Silver
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Ewwww
H- Hometown: Hmmm....born in Seoul, South Korea, lived in Calgary for most of my life, but consider the T-Dot home.
I- Indulgence: Facials and pedicures
J- January or February: February - a nice short month, and closer to spring!
K- Kids: Well....I always said never, but if I meet the man of my dreams and it's a dealbreaker, I might consider having 1.
L- Life is incomplete without: love, friendship, family, gratitude, adventure, music, dancing and joy.
M- Marriage Date: only the universe knows....
N- Number of Siblings: 2
O- Oranges or Apples? oranges
P- Phobias/Fears: heights, not reaching my full potential
Q- Favorite Quote: "A butterfly stirring the air today in Peking can transform storm systems next month in New York." - James Glick
R- Reasons to smile: beauty, love, life, blue skies and sunshine
S- Season: Spring
T- Tag Three: well, whoever wants to do it, since I wasn't actually tagged, and just stole it...muwahahahahaa.....
U- Unknown Fact About Me: In the last month, 5 of my toenails have randomly fallen off..it's quite hideous, and sandle season is upon us. Fortunately, I don't care...and am flaunting my ugly toes with reckless abandon!
V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Oppressor of Animals I guess....sigh
W- Worst Habit: Crackbook, and taking 3 hours to drink a cup of coffee (and warming it up in the microwave 3 times in the process)
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? Network chiropractic, or any other energy work
Y- Your Favorite Foods: sushi, french fries, coffee (is that food?)
Z- Zodiac: Pisces Sun, with Gemini Rising and Taurus Moon

Melting

My alarm goes off. It's 8:15. I have to be at work by 9:30. Still. I can't seem to get myself to leave the warmth of the arms I'm nestled in. I'm lying on my back, and he's curled around me, cheek pressed against the top of my head, one leg tossed casually over my thighs, it's weight heavy and reassuring. I can't move. Not that I want to. I liberate one arm, and hit snooze.

I sigh, and settle back into the cocoon. We're sticky with the sweat of sleep, but I don't care. The alarm beeps again. 8:40. Now I've really pushed it. I untangle myself limb by limb, and head reluctantly for the fastest shower in the history of the world.

I turn on some music and blowdry my hair, while the Prince sleeps on steadily, ensnarled in a mess of sheets and covers. How he manages to create this web in the 10 minutes I am gone is beyond me. I jump on top of him and kiss him 20 times, "goodbye, my love." His eyes are heavy with sleep, he's only half awake. He mumbles softly, "I miss you already."

I smile, my heart full, but he's already drifted back to his dreams. I hope they are sweet.

Vanished

Sorry I vanished for a while there. I just didn't have the motivation, drive or inclination to do any writing at all. Big stuff going down in my life, energetically speaking.

I'm working on a post about it now. Hope you are all well.

Facebook

Sorry about the lack of posting, but I have been completely immersed in Facebook. It is ridiculously entertaining, and an excellent time-killer at work. It's like a combination of MySpace and Friendster, except totally fun and easy to use. I'm not sure if it's the Mini-Feed, or connecting with people I haven't seen or heard from for a long time, but I admit it. I'm totally addicted.

It's especially interesting, because it's taken that whole 6 degrees of separation thing, and manifested it into an online format. I'm already seeing connections between people that I didn't know existed. It's very cool.

If you wanna come visit me, come see me here.

Half

Two months ago, I thought it a brilliant idea to sign up for a half-marathon. I'd come off a particularly sluggish couple of weeks, athletically speaking, and my body was in a state of utter lassitude. Watching snowflakes pile on top of slush, on top of dirt, on top of freezing rain, on top of more slush, was not particularly motivating. But for my own health, the inertia had to end. A few clicks of the mouse and $50 later, I was registered for the Mississauga half-marathon on May 13th. It was deceptively easy.

I am definitely NOT a natural runner. I mean I can pull off 5 km with relative ease, but this...this, I will not survive without a bunch of training. Being in extreme pain and agony for 2+ hours, while desperately counting down kilometres and downing powergels is just not my idea of a good time. What else could pull me out of my torpor faster than the thought of having to run 22 or so kilometres without stopping?

Yeah, right.

Training for this thing has been a bitch. Between the crappy weather, my lack of sleep and a million other things I'm trying to accomplish and manifest, running has found itself at the very bottom of the laundry pile. And now the half is less than 2 months away. The slightest layer of panic is starting to creep into my consciousness.

I had to do something to kickstart this whole situation. A shopping trip was definitely in order! So on Saturday, I ended up at the Running Room, buying new shoes, a running jacket, water belt, new sports bra and power gels. After negotiating a 20% discount (actually, I just asked him for it, and he gave it to me - thank god!) - I was out the door and ready to hit the road with all my new gear. I was committed to running 10-12 km, or approximately 1 hour at my runnning speed.

Damn, it was windy and cold on Saturday. It took 2 hours to defrost after all that running, but I am happy and proud to say that I DID IT! and it wasn't even that hard. My motivation's back!!!!

Avalanche

I feel like a giant boulder sitting on the razor's edge of a majestic mountain. I'm teetering back and forth, rocking ever so gently in the mild breeze. There's a feeling of anticipation in the crisp, spring air. Innocent buds struggle to break through the hardness of long-dead branches, signalling the dawning of a new cycle of activity. Birds float lightly atop currents of sky, trilling merrily, bestowing it with the colourful melody of their song.

The air is ripe with potential. So many seeds have been planted, and I am full. The slightest shift sends me flying down the side of the mountain, slowly at first, bruised by rocks, bushes and trees along the way. But momentum gathers and soon I am sailing gleefully into the great unknown, propelled forward by mysterious celestial forces.

It's happening.

Am I ready?

Messages

This morning, I opened my email and found this message:

From: Barbara Whitlock
Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2007 05:53:26 -0500
Subject: Your Helium article is featured on today's homepage!

Congratulations Shelley!

If you check out today's homepage at www.helium.com, you'll see your article featured prominently. See yourself in the limelight! Tell family and friends. Announce this in your blog, on your website, or through other internet venues where you hold a presence. Watch the interest and earnings on your article today.

Your hysterical article about your hot yoga class experience shares valuable insights and reflects the highest standards of writing at Helium. Thank you for sharing your time and talents at Helium.com!

Continue to enjoy your participation in the Helium Community! We look forward to watching for more of your exceptional articles over the years.

All the best,

Barbara Whitlock
Content & Community team
Helium.com

Sometimes it's nice to receive objective, outside validation, especially when you've recently decided to quit your stable, pension and benefit providing government job, for the wild blue yonder of freelance writing and video editing. (yeah, this is all part of the energetic pathways story, which I have yet to finish! I promise I'll get there...there's just so much going on right now!)

Perfect timing too, as I was feeling the slightest pit of fear in my stomach, looking at the calendar yesterday and seeing my quit date coming closer and closer....

If you want to check out the article, it's posted on www.helium.com on the front page, under Exercise.

Have a great weekend everybody!

In Transit

I've been spending far too much cash on cab fares lately. I'm not complaining or anything - far from it! : ) - but leaving the cocoon of warmth created by the embrace of the human furnace lying next to you is beyond torturous. Especially since Toronto is in the midst of a terrible cold snap, the kind that, as my friend Charwina so delicately put it today at lunch, "feels like 2 dogs are biting on your face at the same time."

Today, for the first time in about a week, I stood and waited for public transit. And even though I was late yet again, I had decided it was time for me to nip my growing addiction to the comfort and convenience of taking a taxi to work in the bud. Well....at least I thought I had decided.

But here's the interesting part. As I stood waiting impatiently in the freezing cold, I started to monitor my thoughts. And discovered that I hadn't really decided at all. My brain was whipping back and forth, spinning to and fro - doing anything, it seems, but actually making a decision.

My thoughts went something like this:
Is the damn streetcar coming? It's freezing cold. I'm gonna be late for work. Maybe I should just take a cab? Oh, there's one. Should I hail it? No, I've spent too much money on cabs. The streetcar's coming right now. I know it is. But what if it doesn't. Then I'll really be late. Ok, I'll hail the next cab that comes along. No, I shouldn't. Oh, just missed one. That's okay. Cuz the streetcar is coming right now. Well, I hope it is. It's really cold. Maybe I should catch a cab. No, I can't. I'll just be late.....and so on and so forth.

Honestly, the streetcar didn't appear until I realized how chaotic my thoughts were. It was only when I was able to shut down the back and forth in my brain, and focus on ONE outcome, that my desired result manifested. It made me appreciate how challenging it is to really and truly create change in your own life. If being clear about my mode of transit is trying, how am I to be clear about the big things. The things that matter....

For Whom the Bell Tolls

There's a tiny ray of light desperately trying to break through the never-ending drab of Toronto's winter sky. I see a touch of beautiful blue, the smallest hint of it peeking out cautiously from behind a blanket of opaque grey.

I'm on the streetcar on my way to work, trying to ignore the sound of the woman on her cell phone behind me. Cantonese. Consonants.

Church Street. The streetcar grinds to a halt, the doors pop open, and I hear the ringing of the bells from majestic St. James Cathedral.

"For whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee. Ernest Hemingway," the driver intones over the streetcar's PA system. I smile.

We pass Victoria Street, screech to a stop at Yonge Street, "Yonge Street, home of the King subway." I watch as a new stream of passengers tiptoes through slush and mud, and up into the warm car.

Chug Chug Chug. Continuing. Cantonese. Consonants.

I ring the bell signalling my stop, "Bay Street, home of financial wizards and money moguls, streets paved with gold, known as Wall Street in New York..." the driver continues.

I get up, stand by the door, lean in as he whispers to me, "what are you? money mogul or financial wizard?"

I pause.

"Frustrated writer?" I say, with a question in my voice.

He laughs, a nice, big belly laugh, "take care and have a wonderful day!" The sky clears, and fills with bright sun, its splendid azure lifting my spirits instantly. I'm smiling all the way to work.

Now did I mean him or me?

Energetic Pathways: Part 2

Read Part 1 here.

Tabula Rasa: Latin for scraped tablet or clean slate, refers to the epistemological thesis that individual human beings are born with no innate or built-in mental content, in a word, "blank", and that their entire resource of knowledge is built up gradually from their experiences and sensory perceptions of the outside world.

If you believe, like I do, that life is images of the mind expressed, you can imagine how powerful this meeting with Josep was. It was as though my brain was turned inside out, fractured into a million pieces and totally reconfigured. The principles I'd been studying, the patterns of behaviour I'd been releasing, the new thoughts I'd been processing; well, they boiled over in my brain and crystallized into a single, brilliant point of focus.

My life could be whatever I desired it to be - unfettered, unhindered, unburdened - inhibited only by the limits of my own imagination, faith and certainty.

Tabula Rasa.

I was finally freed of the constraints I had placed upon myself all my life. The voices of my parents, societal expectations, the fears of well-meaning friends, cultural conditioning - all of these were wiped clean. The particular beauty of this moment laid in it's complete absence of fear. For the first time, I was totally unimpeded by any fear of failure. How could I be when there were no limits, no constraints and no expectations? I decided that I would be kind to myself. I would forgive myself. I would not expect "perfection." No. Instead, I chose to see my life as a grand experiment. Every event would be viewed as a valiant, imperfect, sublime attempt at creating the life of my dreams. One that could be continuously tweaked and refined. With Josep's help, I had shifted the lens. With profound implications.

And so, in this delightful vacuum of silence, I began to consciously create my life. What did I truly want? What had I not allowed myself to consider out of the fear that it wasn't possible? What had I avoided because I could not see "how it would be done?"

To be continued...

Valentine

Saint Valentine was beaten with clubs and beheaded in ancient Rome. Emperor Claudius II believed that soldiers did not want to leave their loves or families to join the military, and so he cancelled all marriages and engagements. Saint Valentine secretly married couples and for this, he was martyred on February 14th.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! I hope your life is abundantly full of joy, gratitude and bliss, and may your belief in beautiful, perfect-just-as-it-is love not cause your beheading!